Accepting if your friends have your back.
Aline, serves up another thought-provoking episode that delves deep into the essential topic of friendship and support. With her cozy demeanor and relatable storytelling, she sets the scene for a rich discussion on whether our friends genuinely have our backs. Aline's approach is refreshing; she combines her coaching expertise with a friendly, conversational tone that makes complex ideas easy to digest.
The episode kicks off with Aline sharing her own experiences of navigating friendships as a highly sensitive person. She candidly discusses the importance of setting healthy boundaries, emphasizing how easily we can slip into the role of caregiver at our own expense. It’s a common struggle among empaths, and Aline's insights resonate deeply as she highlights the need for self-care. She encourages listeners to reflect on their own boundaries and how they can shift their focus from constantly supporting others to nurturing themselves.
As the conversation unfolds, Aline addresses the potential fallout from asserting these boundaries and how it might make some friends uncomfortable. She offers compassionate advice on how to communicate our needs without guilt and reassures us that it’s perfectly okay to prioritize ourselves. The episode concludes with Aline's practical strategies for fostering supportive friendships, including her healthy boundary checklist that listeners can download. With her nurturing guidance, Aline empowers us to create connections that uplift and inspire, reminding us that true friends will celebrate our growth alongside us. Tune in for a dose of warmth and wisdom that will leave you feeling uplifted and ready to embrace your authentic self!
Get Aline free Healthy Boundary Checklist here:- Knowing when to say no.
If you are ready to dive deeper into self discovery, Aline´s online course is a game changer. Providing you with clarity, self assurance, self confidence and laser focus to create your best life.
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What’s inside?
✅ Daily affirmations paired with self-healing journeys and guided action steps
✅ Practical tools to silence negative self-talk
✅ Strategies to negotiate with confidence
✅ Techniques for setting and maintaining boundaries
✅ Exercises to boost self-awareness and self-acceptance
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For Aline´s Healty Boundary checklist for Empaths: https://www.alignwithaline.com
To your self acceptance gorgeous. 💜
Transcript
Hello, gorgeous.
Speaker A:And a warm welcome to Accepting.
Speaker A:I'm Aline, your host.
Speaker A:I'm a channel, I'm a mentor, and I'm a coach.
Speaker A:And I love to see highly sensitive people and empaths in all walks of life flourish.
Speaker A:In this episode, we're going to be diving into Accepting if your friends really have your back.
Speaker A:So grab yourself a cup of tea, get yourself cozy, and let's dive in.
Speaker B:Welcome to Accepting, where I guide you to accept all aspects of your beautiful self, embrace your truth, and live your life that way.
Speaker A:So for those of you listening, I am currently sat with one of my beautiful fur babies on my lap and I am very, very comfortable indeed.
Speaker A:I am looking after myself and I'm walking my talk because I've had a few issues with my back recently.
Speaker A:I didn't want to miss an episode and it feels really important to show up exactly how I am at the moment, which is very, very cosy and very comforted.
Speaker A:So in this episode, we're going to talk about Accepting.
Speaker A:Do your friends have your back Now?
Speaker A:First of all, we're going to talk about healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:We're going to talk about embracing the new changes that you're making for your betterment.
Speaker A:We're going to be talking about why some people around you may feel uncomfortable with your new changes and how we can deal with that and how you can keep making those changes without feeling guilty, without feeling you're less than or more than someone else and just keep going.
Speaker A:All right, so first of all, as empaths, it has been instilled in us since we were knee high to a grasshopper whenever the situation happened, that we are here to help everybody else and we are here to make sure that everybody else feels okay in whatever shape or form that is.
Speaker A:And many times that is to our detriment.
Speaker A:And when we're in a situation where that has just been our way of living, everybody around us is so used to that.
Speaker A:They're used to us just dropping everything at the drop of a hat.
Speaker A:They're used to us being at the end of the phone and they're so used to us just solving their problems.
Speaker A:They're used to us doing things for them that they're perfectly capable of doing.
Speaker A:Now, this isn't a judgment.
Speaker A:This is just something that they've got used to.
Speaker A:So when we start to make changes and we look at areas of, well, what isn't working in my life, how can I change that?
Speaker A:We're not removing habits, we're changing them.
Speaker A:So when we look at Right.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:So my habit of spending half an hour helping one of my friends with something that they're perfectly capable of doing isn't really helping me or helping my friend.
Speaker A:When we look at.
Speaker A:Okay, so when I'm showing up for everybody else, I feel exhausted and I don't have any time for my own projects.
Speaker A:Let's look at that.
Speaker A:When we realize that we've actually been giving so much and not been receiving, that's when we start making changes.
Speaker A:And I would like to say it's really, really important that we don't blame anybody.
Speaker A:This is just how we've shown up.
Speaker A:We're used to just, let me give you, let me give you, let me give you.
Speaker A:And that can be to other people's detriment and our detriment.
Speaker A:So when I talk about accepting your friends have your back, it's a bit tongue in cheek, really.
Speaker A:It's when we feel, okay.
Speaker A:So I'm spending, to be perfectly honest, I'm spending too much time on.
Speaker A:Let's call her Jane, on Jane's situation and problems.
Speaker A:And now I'm spending far too much time on Zebedee's situation and problems.
Speaker A:And now, actually, Maureen needs some more help.
Speaker A:When we add all that time together, which sometimes people say, have you got five minutes?
Speaker A:It is never five minutes.
Speaker A:And when we realize that and we start making changes and we say, as in my healthy boundary checklist, you can get that for free.
Speaker A:And I will pop the link in.
Speaker A:And we say to people, okay, I'm really working on myself at the moment.
Speaker A:And to do that, I really need my space and I really need to focus on myself.
Speaker A:So as we start focusing on ourselves, the focus is taken away from everybody else around us.
Speaker A:And some people, I'm not saying everybody.
Speaker A:Some people may not like that, my gorgeous.
Speaker A:And this is where it's really important to be compassionate with yourselves and to be compassionate with others, because it's complete change.
Speaker A:And when we talk about the limbic brain, whenever there's changes going on, we can go into the, you know, the four Fs of fight, freeze, and flight and fawning.
Speaker A:What can happen is, as we're making changes, those who are used to things around us and they're seeing the changes, they can equally go into the limbic brain mode and they're receiving danger, danger, danger.
Speaker A:There's changes, whatever their ways are.
Speaker A:So there may be resistance there.
Speaker A:There may be people in flight walking or walking away from you because you're not there anymore.
Speaker A:And it's really important to acknowledge that those who are meant to be in our lives, those that vibrate on the same level as we do, will stay.
Speaker A:Those who are not vibrating at our level, they will be going.
Speaker A:And this is where it's so important to have kindness and compassion and respect for yourself and others.
Speaker A:Now, if others are feeling upset that you're not there at a drop of the hat, you're not there to solve their problems, please refer to my healthy boundary checklist for empaths.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:Because there is a little flowchart and at the bottom, there's a recommendation of how to move forward with that.
Speaker A:Now, if you've got people in your life who are used to you doing everything and all of a sudden you're not, I would suggest you have a conversation with them first before you start delegating and giving them their accountability back to themselves.
Speaker A:Because when we do everything for somebody, they're not being accountable.
Speaker A:They're not showing up in their own lives.
Speaker A:And again, not a judgment, it's just what they've got used to.
Speaker A:So as well as giving yourself the opportunity to discover yourself, to discover your gifts and to work on yourself, you are also giving those around you the opportunity to be accountable for their lives and where you've shown up and done everything for them, or you received messages and you've told them this, this, this, and this, this will work for you, that's no longer there all the time.
Speaker A:That is actually a benefit for them.
Speaker A:There's their blessing in disguise.
Speaker A:So it's really important, instead of just hands up and backing off, explain to people what's happening.
Speaker A:Now, we don't go into apologetic, I'm sorry, this is happening, this is happening.
Speaker A:It's just, just to let you know, I'm not going to be available as I usually am.
Speaker A:And then if there's a conversation that starts ensuing, then you can answer any questions.
Speaker A:Then keep it simple.
Speaker A:Just to let you know, I'm not going to be available as I usually am.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:And I'm working on myself, I'm working on a project.
Speaker A:I'm realizing that I need to really look after my mental health and my physical health.
Speaker A:And anybody who is truly, truly your friend, as you speak this way, and as they truly feel, they will absolutely have your back.
Speaker A:Anybody who is there who is not responsible for themselves is not really championing you and supporting you to live your best life.
Speaker A:Because for whatever reason, they're scared, they're fearful, they're jealous, they're envious.
Speaker A:Allow them to go with love.
Speaker A:And I know this sounds very Very difficult.
Speaker A:You know, when we say there's people in our life for seasons, so some people are in our life for a reason.
Speaker A:Some people in our life for a season.
Speaker A:And so when those people are in our lives for a season, it's because we have something to learn from them and they have something to learn from us.
Speaker A:And once we've learned that lesson, we move forward.
Speaker A:If that person hasn't learned that lesson and they don't move forward, they don't come with us.
Speaker A:And they will keep learning the same lesson until they're ready to move forward.
Speaker A:So once we are in that stage of I am creating space for myself, those who are meant to stay in your life will absolutely stay in your life.
Speaker A:And they may be massively inspired as well and start looking at areas in their lives they can look at.
Speaker A:So please don't give up on yourself.
Speaker A:It's so important to keep looking at what works for you now.
Speaker A:Also, when we're making changes, because there can be a fear aspect from those around us because it changes and that limbic brain kicks in, you might have some resistance.
Speaker A:You might have some people saying, you've changed.
Speaker A:What are you doing?
Speaker A:Well, why aren't you available for me?
Speaker A:Well, you're boring now.
Speaker A:And as detrimental, as derogatory as these comments can be, please have compassion that they are coming from a scared place.
Speaker A:And you can be in such a way when it first starts happening, if it does start happening, that I appreciate this has changed for you and you're feeling a little bit uncomfortable.
Speaker A:I am not comfortable with the way you're speaking to me.
Speaker A:This is my decision and this is how I'm living my life.
Speaker A:That's the way you can answer.
Speaker A:And if they continue to, well, you've changed, you're boring.
Speaker A:Or this, you're that.
Speaker A:And it's got to a point where actually enough is enough.
Speaker A:That is time when you say, thank you very much for everything.
Speaker A:I wish you all the best, and you move forward and you close the door to that situation and you open up a huge, great big door to all these beautiful people who were on your vibratory level.
Speaker A:Okay?
Speaker A:So it's so important that when we're going through changes, we have people all around us who have our back.
Speaker A:And it's so important that what's happening with my back today?
Speaker A:That this is the title.
Speaker A:Hilarious.
Speaker A:So when people have our back, they accept us.
Speaker A:Because when we accept ourselves for who we truly are, that we're not perfect, that we're in a bit of a trial and Error situation of what works here.
Speaker A:Okay, that doesn't work.
Speaker A:Let me try something else.
Speaker A:And we're going to be going very likely through peaks and troughs because we're peeling off layers of old masks who have been showing up as we've been showing up, very possibly in this Pollyanna state of, I'm here for everybody.
Speaker A:I'm your savior.
Speaker A:And when we realize it's not helping us or anybody else, then that's quite a realization to come to.
Speaker A:And we can sometimes have a little bit, I would say a little bit of grief, and we can find ourselves feeling sad as we let our old self go and all that is.
Speaker A:And if there's tears coming up, my gorgeous tears are a reset of the nervous system.
Speaker A:And it's really important that you have your own back and you've got people around you who really support you and understand that if you're going through a little bit of a situation where you're feeling a bit wobbly.
Speaker A:Because as we're changing things and we're creating new foundations, we have to, you know, we have to knock down, you know, a few moldy bricks, if you like, before we can start really building that very, very solid foundation.
Speaker A:So if you imagine that the people around you are your foundation and they've got your back and they're supporting you and holding you up, it's really important that they're all stable.
Speaker A:And when I say stable, I mean that they are your true friends.
Speaker A:I mean that they accept you as you truly are.
Speaker A:I mean that you accept them as they truly are as well, because it goes both ways.
Speaker A:So when we are in that situation of, okay, I've shown up for however many decades, for everybody else, this is my time, because I chose to come here at this moment to help the world in whatever capacity that is, not to turn up as a savior for everybody around me to show up in a world where I am authentic, I am vulnerable, and I am my true, true self.
Speaker A:And I accept all aspects of myself, light and shade.
Speaker A:And I am not perfect.
Speaker A:And I accept that now.
Speaker A:I have certain elements of me that actually make me up.
Speaker A:And instead of pushing them down and trying to push down how I really feel in showing up with this mask of a great big beaming smile, I'm going to be really, really honest.
Speaker A:Really honest.
Speaker A:And to be really honest, it's really important I'm honest with myself first.
Speaker A:And to be really honest, it's really important I have those around me who accept me for exactly who I am, not who they want me to be.
Speaker A:And equally, I accept those around me exactly as they are, not how I want them to be.
Speaker A:So it's mutual.
Speaker A:You know, it's.
Speaker A:It's the balance.
Speaker A:We've just had the equinox, it's the balance.
Speaker A:And it's so important, my gorgeous, to have that.
Speaker A:So you can get my healthy boundary checklist for empaths, which is, it's a flowchart.
Speaker A:It's brilliant.
Speaker A:It asks you questions yes and no.
Speaker A:And what this does is it helps you get to a point where if you're the only person that can help the other person and they say, please, can you help me?
Speaker A:And it's an emergency, of course we're going to be there.
Speaker A:If it's a point where can they do themselves?
Speaker A:Yes, we encourage them to do it themselves.
Speaker A:If they can't do it themselves.
Speaker A:So that's a no and we move on to the next one.
Speaker A:Can anybody else help them with this?
Speaker A:If that's a yes, then we encourage them to seek help elsewhere.
Speaker A:And, you know, it doesn't just have to be ourselves, that helps them all the time.
Speaker A:And we encourage them to seek help elsewhere.
Speaker A:If that's a no, and you're the only one that can help them, and that will likely change, then I suggest that you say to them, okay, I have half an hour.
Speaker A:Don't reply straight away, I have half an hour on this date or 20 minutes or 10 minutes, however long you have, and I can be with you for this amount of time.
Speaker A:And what I'm going to do is so you can handle this situation on your own.
Speaker A:If you feel that's a possibility, I'm going to help you to be able to handle this, this situation on your own the next time this happens.
Speaker A:So as well as your saying, and you're creating your boundaries and you're creating your space, you're not going to spend hours and hours and hours and hours going through the story in the situation.
Speaker A:It's, this is the time I have, this is the date I have, this is how much time will spend on it.
Speaker A:I will help you get to a point, if necessary, that you can deal with your, that you can deal with this yourself next time, this time I will help you again.
Speaker A:And then this way you're creating accountability for somebody else because they may not realize that actually they are perfectly capable of helping themselves in this situation because they've got so used to you doing it for them.
Speaker A:And again, no judgment.
Speaker A:Been there, done that, bought the T shirts.
Speaker A:We are not helping others when they don't ask for help.
Speaker A:When people are just so used to us doing things for them or coming up with solutions instead of looking into areas of their lives themselves, then they're not being accountable.
Speaker A:They're not showing up truly as their authentic selves either.
Speaker A:So it's massively important that there's kindness, compassion and respect and deep honesty.
Speaker A:And those who are ready for it will stay with you.
Speaker A:And those who are not quite learning from whatever lesson experience you've agreed to experience together will stay where they are and likely somebody else will come in and they will have that experience again until they learn from it to move on.
Speaker A:So keep moving on from your experiences, my gorgeous okay, so I really hope that episode helps you.
Speaker A:If you would like to sign up for my Embrace Yourself video series, you still get 15% off for the end of this month, so you've still got a few more days to get that 15% off.
Speaker A:It's a beautiful video series.
Speaker A:It's called the 22 Pathways to Self Love.
Speaker A:You focus on yourself.
Speaker A:You have half an hour every day just for you, really experiencing and understanding yourself and working with really beautiful affirmations that you're going to start putting into your system.
Speaker A:And that is for 22 days.
Speaker A:And it's gorgeous.
Speaker A:I've been through it myself many, many times.
Speaker A:And you've got it for life.
Speaker A:So you can follow it every 22 days if you want to.
Speaker A:Or you can, once you've followed it a few times, you can start feeling into okay, well which one do I which one would I like to feel into today?
Speaker A:Which affirmation is going to be working for me?
Speaker A:Like tarot cards?
Speaker A:You know, when you you pick a card, you can do that with a video series.
Speaker A:All right, so thank you so much for tuning in.
Speaker A:Here's to your self acceptance.
Speaker A:Here is to your self empowerment.
Speaker A:So much love.
Speaker A:Keep nurturing yourself.
Speaker A:Keep standing up for yourself and allow yourself to be truly, truly authentic with those who have got your back.
Speaker A:So much love.
Speaker B:Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Accepting.
Speaker B:Please do stay tuned for future episodes and also subscribe wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker A:If there's anything at all that you'd.
Speaker B:Like me to cover in future episodes, please get in touch and let me know.
Speaker B:You can also follow me on instagram at the acceptancecon coach and on TikTok at solution union99.
Speaker B:And if you'd like to have any coaching at all or you would like to discuss this, do book an expansion call for now.
Speaker B:I'm your host, Aline, and to your self acceptance.
Speaker B:Gorgeous with so much love.
