Accepting you deserve Healthy Boundaries.
Healthy boundaries are the name of the game in this enlightening episode with Aline, who not only shares personal anecdotes but also insightful strategies for anyone looking to reclaim their time and energy. Starting with the premise that we often find ourselves in the role of the eternal helper, especially as empaths or highly sensitive individuals, Aline sheds light on the importance of recognizing when our kindness turns into self-neglect. With her cat Cleo purring in agreement, Aline reminds us that even the most loving creatures know when to say 'enough is enough!'
The heart of the discussion revolves around accepting our past choices while taking responsibility for our current boundaries. Aline champions the idea that acknowledging where we’ve gone off course is the first step toward healing. She encourages listeners to reflect on their personal experiences and identify where they might be giving too much, often at the expense of their own well-being. Aline’s approach is refreshingly honest; she doesn’t sugarcoat the challenges of establishing boundaries but offers practical tools to help us start the process.
As we navigate through the episode, Aline offers a checklist for evaluating relationships and interactions that drain our energy. By encouraging us to approach boundary-setting with kindness and clarity, she empowers us to make small, sustainable changes that lead to big transformations. With a mix of humor and heartfelt advice, this episode is a must-listen for anyone ready to embrace their true selves and foster healthier relationships. And don’t forget, the next episode promises to delve into the fascinating dynamics of our emotional responses, ensuring we’re equipped to handle whatever comes our way!
Links referenced in this episode:
Transcript
Hello there and a warm welcome to accepting this episode, we are going to be diving into healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:This is my gorgeous girl.
Speaker A:For those of you who are watching this, I have a beautiful white cat.
Speaker A:Sorry.
Speaker A:For those of you who are listening to this, I have a beautiful white cat, my girl Cleo, on my lap.
Speaker A:And ironically, this episode is all about healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:And cats have the best boundaries.
Speaker A:They decide when they want cuddles and if they don't want cuddles, no, they're off anyway.
Speaker A:So thank you so much for being here.
Speaker A:My name's E.
Speaker A:I'm your host.
Speaker A:I am a coach, a channel and a mentor.
Speaker A:I'm the acceptance coach and I love to see empaths of all walks of life and highly sensitive people flourish.
Speaker A:And in this, in these episodes of accepting, we are deep diving into what accepting really means.
Speaker A:How you can really start embracing acceptance into your life and start really living your true essence and living all you were born to be, my gorgeous.
Speaker A:So in this episode, it's all about healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:In the previous episode we talked about how self acceptance, it begins with self acceptance.
Speaker A:Now in this episode we're going to talk about healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:Because before we can start getting into getting to know ourselves and really diving into who we were truly born to be, not how we've adapted for others to accept who we are, this is who we actually are.
Speaker A:It's really important that you have that space, my gorgeous, to really nurture and nourish yourself as you're going through, for want of a better word, this journey, this exploration inside to who you truly, truly are, and you already know who you are.
Speaker A:This is accepting who you are.
Speaker A:So in this episode we are going to cover, aren't we, Moomins?
Speaker A:We are going to cover why it's so important to have healthy boundaries, how we can create healthy boundaries, how we can accept that we have got ourselves into this situation of not having very healthy boundaries and how we can start making changes to create those healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:So get cozy, my lovely, grab a cup of tea and let's dive in.
Speaker A:So we covered this a little bit in the previous episode about people pleasing.
Speaker A:When we are highly sensitive people, when we're empaths, healers, when our life mission is to come on this earth to serve, it is very, very easy and likely to get into people pleasing.
Speaker A:Now, people pleasing is as it says on the tin, it's pleasing everybody else.
Speaker A:It's not insert your name pleasing, it's people pleasing.
Speaker A:So we can already see that you're not honouring yourself There.
Speaker A:And when we look at.
Speaker A:I love word alchemy, when we look at words and when we look at things how they actually are, this is when we start getting the insights.
Speaker A:So, so with people pleasing, this is where I would suggest this is probably what happened is when you were in your formative years, you're embracing your gifts.
Speaker A:You're highly sensitive, you're feeling what everybody else is feeling around you.
Speaker A:You're realizing for you to feel okay, everybody else has to feel okay.
Speaker A:You're helping them to feel better.
Speaker A:That's how people pleasing can start.
Speaker A:And starting from that point of for me to feel okay, everybody around me has to feel okay.
Speaker A:So that's where it starts from and then that is where it can continue.
Speaker A:Because we get into a pattern.
Speaker A:It's absolutely normal.
Speaker A:If we're feeling and receiving messages for other people of actually what that solution is instantly, it's very likely because we haven't had the training, we haven't had the insight not to help everybody.
Speaker A:That's another conversation.
Speaker A:We haven't had that insight to understand that other people are here for their own experiences.
Speaker A:We just want to help.
Speaker A:We want to give and give and give and give and then we'll feel better as well and the whole world will feel great.
Speaker A:So I would.
Speaker A:Yes, Mimi, that's for those of you who are listening.
Speaker A:You may have heard a little meow.
Speaker A:And that is my gorgeous Cleo on my lap agreeing with us.
Speaker A:So when we are in a state of people pleasing, we are more than likely pleasing everybody else around us to our detriment.
Speaker A:We are more than likely pleasing everybody else around us rather than doing any work on ourselves because we don't really know who we are.
Speaker A:So we can ignore ourselves and help everybody else.
Speaker A:And this is where we are going to talk about self acceptance.
Speaker A:And I'm going to share some practical and energetic tools with you in the coming episodes.
Speaker A:We're just going to get into healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:First baby steps.
Speaker A:And this is really, really, really important with any kind of work that you're going to start doing on yourself, My lovely is baby, baby, baby steps.
Speaker A:So first of all, it's accepting that we have created that we don't really have any healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:And that's okay.
Speaker A:That's experience, that's growth.
Speaker A:The fact that you're here listening to this, this is huge.
Speaker A:You're realising that there's an area in your life that needs some help.
Speaker A:You're realizing that there's something burning inside of you, a beautiful gift waiting to burst out or it may already be bursting out and you don't quite know how to navigate it.
Speaker A:So first of all, I'd like to really acknowledge you for being here.
Speaker A:And she's holding my hand, bless her with her paw.
Speaker A:And Cleo, my cat, and really acknowledge yourself for actually taking the space and taking this time.
Speaker A:And your soul has likely brought you here, my gorgeous.
Speaker A:So as you're listening to your soul speaking to you, this is when we can start from this place, start creating those gorgeous healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:So first of all, number one, it's acceptance that we have created the situation where we don't really have healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:We're helping everybody else.
Speaker A:We're feeling a little bit tired or exhausted and sometimes we may be resenting this because we can get compassion fatigue.
Speaker A:We can get so exhausted that we help everybody else from a place of resentment.
Speaker A:Like, what do you want now?
Speaker A:Oh, how can I help you?
Speaker A:So first of all, just acknowledge and accept and it's okay.
Speaker A:This is a judgment free zone, by the way.
Speaker A:This is absolutely judgment free zone.
Speaker A:And it's really important that that is a judgment free zone for you as well.
Speaker A:This is not judging yourself, this is accepting yourself and loving and embracing yourself.
Speaker A:So once we've accepted we have created this situation, now we can start looking at, okay, where, where I'm don't have healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:Where could I take some space back for me?
Speaker A:Where could I take some time back for me?
Speaker A:And the second part of this is very important.
Speaker A:It's really important that we don't blame those around us for us not having healthy boundaries because they are only acting and reacting in the ways that we have been acting.
Speaker A:So if we have always been there for them, if we've always been there at the end of the phone, if we've dropped everything so we can be there for them, if we've been helping them with things that they can actually do for themselves quite easily, if we have been enabling that behaviour, we can't blame them.
Speaker A:And that's really important.
Speaker A:It's really important to accept that you're in this situation and not blame anybody else that you're in this situation.
Speaker A:Take accountability and responsibility.
Speaker A:And that is hugely important because as we take responsibility and accountability for where we are in our lives, that is when we're in a grounded and honest and authentic place.
Speaker A:And that is when we can start making these beautiful changes.
Speaker A:So once you have accepted the situation, you're not blaming anybody.
Speaker A:Start now looking.
Speaker A:Where can I make space and have a little look?
Speaker A:I would invite you to get a pen and paper and just write down anywhere where anybody says to you, have you just got five minutes?
Speaker A:Anywhere where somebody says, have you got five minutes?
Speaker A:And they are perfectly capable of doing whatever task or finding a solution for themselves because again, it's accepting and not blaming anybody.
Speaker A:If you're constantly receiving messages for somebody, and I had this.
Speaker A:If you are constantly receiving messages for somebody and they're used to you just giving the answers because you get them like that, then that's how they're going to keep treating you.
Speaker A:Once we say, actually you could do this yourself, and we're not, we're not pushing people away.
Speaker A:This is really important.
Speaker A:We're not pushing people away and shutting ourselves down.
Speaker A:We are approaching the situation in a very gentle and compassionate manner and explain.
Speaker A:We don't have to explain.
Speaker A:We are saying, you can do this yourself.
Speaker A:And it's very interesting, whatever that reaction is, it could be, oh, can I?
Speaker A:It might be slightly negative because they're so used to you doing things for them.
Speaker A:What I would invite you to do is have a conversation with those just five minutes people and say, I have to do some work on myself and it's really important that I have the space and the time and it's really important that I'm not helping everybody when they don't ask for my help.
Speaker A:And this is also really important.
Speaker A:As people pleasers, we can jump in before anyone's even asked us.
Speaker A:And that is not giving somebody experience or growth.
Speaker A:And again, don't judge yourself because we're born to serve.
Speaker A:It can be really natural just to jump in and help.
Speaker A:So look at which role you're playing in this.
Speaker A:Is somebody actually asking for your help or are you just jumping in because you're used to doing that?
Speaker A:And if that is the case, if you're jumping in because you're used to doing it, that's going to be an easier place to create those boundaries because it's very likely that that person didn't necessarily need your help in the first place because they didn't ask for it because you've jumped in.
Speaker A:So you can say, actually you can do that yourself, can't you?
Speaker A:Or if somebody can't do something themselves, you can educate them how to do it and then they can do it themselves the next time.
Speaker A:I actually have a healthy boundary checklist that I'm going to share the link with you at the end, which helps you just go through and do a checklist of where your help is necessary and where actually that's your space to take back.
Speaker A:So Accepting where you are, accepting your responsibility and how you got there, not blaming others.
Speaker A:So number three that we've just covered is looking at your role in the health, in the boundary situation.
Speaker A:Are you there constantly and just jumping in before anybody asks you to help?
Speaker A:If so, that's really easy to get your space, or are people just expecting you to be there?
Speaker A:So this is the next one.
Speaker A:So if people just expect you to be there, that may be a slightly trickier, shall we say, way to get your space back.
Speaker A:It's really important that you do this, though, and you do this with kindness and compassion.
Speaker A:It might be really easy if you just say to somebody, I'm not available, then that might be just simple as that.
Speaker A:This is people who for a very, very, very long time are used to you being there, are used to you giving them the solutions and the answers.
Speaker A:Are used to you having little insights into the future, are used to you channeling something in.
Speaker A:Because that's your beautiful, natural gifts that we talk about in another episode.
Speaker A:It's time for you to honor my gorgeous.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So when you're creating those healthy boundaries, you are standing in your power and you are saying to those who always expect you to be there, you can do this yourself.
Speaker A:And if they can't do them this themselves, can somebody else help them?
Speaker A:And if there's nobody else that can help them apart from you, then this is what I would suggest is arrange a date that's convenient for you.
Speaker A:Don't jump in straight away unless it's.
Speaker A:We'll go through the checklist in a minute.
Speaker A:Unless it's an extreme emergency.
Speaker A:Don't jump in straight away.
Speaker A:Get your calendar and set a date and a time that's convenient for you and give yourself a time limit.
Speaker A:Because when somebody says, have you just got five minutes?
Speaker A:It's never five minutes.
Speaker A:Let's be honest, it's never five minutes.
Speaker A:It's five minutes to do the task.
Speaker A:Fine.
Speaker A:You've got five minutes beforehand to find out what that task is.
Speaker A:You've got five minutes or 10 minutes, however long it takes to then tell that person how you're going to do the task or any questions that you may have about it.
Speaker A:You've then got the time that it takes to do that task.
Speaker A:You've then got the time afterwards to tell that person that you've done that task, and this is what happened in the results.
Speaker A:And then you then probably have to go and have a little reset afterwards and a little rest.
Speaker A:It's never five minutes.
Speaker A:So the next time somebody says to you.
Speaker A:Do you have five minutes?
Speaker A:No, you don't.
Speaker A:So back to the healthy boundary checklist.
Speaker A:So when somebody is not capable of doing something themselves, you get your calendar out and you say, I am available for this amount of time and you tell them that.
Speaker A:And it's creating habits.
Speaker A:You know, we've heard that it takes 21 days to create a habit.
Speaker A:So just be compassionate and gentle with these people around you as you're changing the, the, the natural way that they're living.
Speaker A:Because there's going to be a little resistance with the change.
Speaker A:Very likely there's going to be some resistance with the change.
Speaker A:It's really important that you keep that up.
Speaker A:And as you're repeating that behavior, if somebody says, can you please help me?
Speaker A:And you're the only one that can help them when you're repeating that behavior of right, well, I can talk to you for half an hour on this day or we can meet for a quick coffee for 20 minutes on this day or you see how it works.
Speaker A:You work it out to your priorities, you work it out to your best interests.
Speaker A:You're still there for them on your terms with your boundaries in your space.
Speaker A:Because also very much if we jump into something that can also put us up into fight flight freeze mode, that can get our adrenals up and that can get us very much het up.
Speaker A:So this is also really useful.
Speaker A:So as you're saying, I can see you at this point of the day or I can have a conversation with you.
Speaker A:You're not jumping in when you approach this situation.
Speaker A:You're approaching this situation for a very relaxed and calm and grounded state rather than jumping in all guns blazing to be the savior.
Speaker A:So, and I say that because I've been there, I've done that, I bought the T shirt and as I said, this is an absolutely judgment free zone, my gorgeous.
Speaker A:So first of all, just to recap, accept how you got to where you are with the boundaries, accept your responsibility in it, accept that those around you may find it difficult as you're making these changes because they're so used to it being this way and have compassion with them.
Speaker A:And number four, consistency.
Speaker A:Keep going, keep making these changes in these healthy boundaries because the more you do this, the more is it word again, they are going to.
Speaker A:The people around you are going to accept that is how it is now.
Speaker A:When you accept how it is now, that is when they are going to accept how it is now.
Speaker A:And sometimes it can sound so obvious.
Speaker A:How often though do we actually, when somebody says, have you Got five minutes or can you just do this for me?
Speaker A:Do we actually stop and feel into.
Speaker A:Does that feel right for us to help, you know, as, as intuitive empaths, as empaths, as highly sensitive people, it can so be so easy to jump in.
Speaker A:So just by taking that gentle step back, you're already creating space for yourself.
Speaker A:You're already creating those healthy boundaries.
Speaker A:So be really, really gentle with this.
Speaker A:And perhaps I would suggest now you've got your list of where you can get those five minutes back where you're helping people that can help themselves and really, really don't actually need your help.
Speaker A:And you've got your list of where there's people who do need your help.
Speaker A:And actually you could educate them on how to do this.
Speaker A:And then you've got the people who really need your help who can't do this, that themselves.
Speaker A:And that's where you have your indicator of your calendar.
Speaker A:So now you've got this list, look how much space you can start creating look how much gorgeous space that you've got that you can get into a calm and grounded and beautiful centered state and start working and doing gorgeous inner work and really getting to know yourself.
Speaker A:And that is for another episode.
Speaker A:So healthy boundaries, I would really like you to remember as you're going into those healthy boundaries, as you're creating changes, and as I said, I'm a channel, and this comes, this has come up for me to say it's really, really important that you are in a very, very gentle, gentle state.
Speaker A:Because when we make changes, as I mentioned in, in a previous, in the previous episode, when we make changes or when there's changes in our environment, it can alert us into survival mode of fight, flight and freeze.
Speaker A:Because it's something different, it's something new.
Speaker A:And our whole beings, our whole bodies are not great with adapting because the, the, the brains that we had, that we still have when we were cave people that were keeping us alive are still in us.
Speaker A:So any kind of change around us is danger, danger, danger.
Speaker A:So be really gentle with yourself going into this and the next episode, we're actually going to be going into.
Speaker A:What are those three Fs fight, flight and freeze, and what they actually mean for you as an empath, as a highly sensitive person, and how you can embrace those and how you can actually embrace what we call the inner critic, how you can start embracing that as you're creating those healthy boundaries and taking that space.
Speaker A:So the first thing we're going to do is once we've got our healthy boundaries, in the next episode, I'm going to take you through gently.
Speaker A:What are those three Fs how we can incorporate those and gently, gently allow them into our body and get ourselves from a sympathetic state into a parasympathetic state and use those three Fs to our advantage and allow those three Fs to sleep as we make beautiful changes.
Speaker A:All right my gorgeous.
Speaker A:So thank you so much for listening.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for watching.
Speaker A:If you would like the Healthy Boundary Checklist, which is a lot more succinct, just aren't asking yes and no questions.
Speaker A:Just click on the link below, pop your details in and you'll have instant access.
Speaker A:It sounds so simple and actually it is.
Speaker A:It's change.
Speaker A:So I would invite you to have all the tools that you can my gorgeous.
Speaker A:So if you would like that Healthy Boundary checklist for empaths, for sensitives, the link is going to be in the the show notes and the information.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:And please subscribe if you're on YouTube.
Speaker A:Please share if you feel this is going to really help others that you know.
Speaker A:And please follow along if you're listening on other platforms.
Speaker A:All right, so here is to your self acceptance.
Speaker A:Here is to your self empowerment.
Speaker A:And here is to you living the most fabulous life as your most authentic, gorgeous, beautiful essence that is you.
Speaker A:So much love whole.
